Elder Sea Nettle

From QuiXand Ranch

OK folks, by popular demand, here it is. The good news is that the first draft of my first bestseller is done. The bad news is that there is still a lot of work to do on it. At any rate, here is a sneak peek. May I present:

Chapter Seven

Elder Sea Nettle

His fourth night in Hawaii, Rudy had a bizarre dream that was disturbing in the way that it felt real, though it couldn’t possibly be.

He was swimming in the ocean but not like a person swims, more like a fish, in blue water deep below the surface, fast and graceful and effortless. He was surrounded by rock formations, colorful living coral and hundreds of smaller fish of every description and color, their beautiful scales catching the sunlight that filtered down from the surface.

He was powerful and agile and swift and he squirted through the water with ease and did gleeful underwater acrobatics and huge leaps into the air like a dolphin at Sea World. He was thoroughly enjoying his new found abilities.

“Alright, that’s enough. Knock it off.” He heard a voice in his head. Instinctively he knew that it belonged to a Jelly Fish and he looked around for the source.

There were no Jelly Fish in sight but he did spot the source and it was... well... it looked like a Mormon Missionary. He was dressed in black dress slacks, a white shirt with dark tie and sensible black dress shoes. He wore a nametag that said “The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints” and below that “Elder ....” He couldn’t make out the name after Elder for some reason.

“Was that you?” Rudy asked.

“Who else would it be, moron?’ came the telekinetic reply.

“But you’re a Missionary, or a jelly fish or something.”

“I’m a Sea Nettle, actually, and I shouldn’t even be here. I live in the Atlantic so listen up so I can go home.”

“Why do you look like a Missionary?”

“Why do you ask so many dumb questions?”

“OK, screw you.” Rudy said and darted away but when he looked up he was face to face with the Elder/Jelly Fish.

“OK, I look like a Missionary because I get to choose a persona in which to appear to each of my clients. I thought it would be a fun little ironic twist to do a Missionary for you, Mr. Agnostic.”

“So you’re here to tell me that I’m wrong and the Mormon Church is true?” Rudy asked.

“No, no. How would I know about things like that? I’m a Sea Nettle, for God’s sake. Gospels are a whole other department and every one of those pricks thinks he’s God’s gift to the world, pun fully intended.”

“So what department do you work for? The department of assholes?” Rudy asked, suddenly aware of how utterly ridiculous it was to be trading insults with a Sea Nettle Jellyfish Missionary.

“You wouldn’t understand. I’m just here to give you a little encouragement since I know you’re a bit down about how things have gone the past few days. You’re feeling like this was all a big mistake and you’re ready to head back to Utah. Am I about right so far?”
“Yeah, that’s about right.” Rudy replied warily.

“Well, hang in there. The people in charge of such things want you to stick around. Someone higher up has taken an interest in you, don’t ask me why, and they want you to know that it will work out.”

“Uh, Okay.” Rudy was very confused.

“Remember that half-season you spent playing in the Italian League and you drove that BMW 2002 all over Europe?” Elder Sea Nettle asked.

“Yeah, that was a sweet car.”

“Well maybe you should give the apartment hunting a rest and concentrate on finding yourself some wheels. I hear there’s a sweet 2002 Tii for sale in tomorrow’s newspaper.”

“A Tii? The fuel injected version?”

“That’s the one, baby. Check it out.” With that Elder Sea Nettle turned and disappeared into the blue water.

Suddenly Rudy felt a desperate need for air and he swam frantically toward the surface but he no longer moved with the ease of a giant Tuna. He broke the surface of the water and gasped desperately for air and woke up, still panting for air.

He lay in bed, catching his breath and thinking about the bizarre dream. He was soaking wet, the sheets were drenched and the mattress was soaked. He’d have had to have lost 10 pounds to sweat that much.

Elder Sea Nettle was right, too. He had been nearly ready to admit his mistake and head back to Utah and he still probably would, but he knew he would be checking tomorrow’s newspaper first and he felt silly when he realized that.

Right now, he’d trade palm trees for spring skiing with Pete in a heartbeat. He thought about his best friend and all they’d been through together and he resolved to give him a call soon, if only to tell him that he was on his way back.