QuiXand Ranch Special Investigation

From QuiXand Ranch
QuiXand Investigators Uncover Savage Bloodsport

Right here in River City!

Folks, I’ve seen a lot of savagery in my day. As a seasoned journalist, I’ve witnessed man’s violence toward other men but at least we, as a society, have the decency to be appalled when our violent tendencies are directed at our own. After witnessing what I’ve seen, I want to know; who’s looking after the little bunnies?

I’ve edited this story to take out the most graphic sections but be advised, this is not for the faint of heart. Proceed at your own risk.

I recently met a gentleman; we’ll call him “David”. “David” is in his late forties now but he struggles to live with these memories from his youth in rural Utah.

“Well, I lived in Cinder City* in Southern Utah but our extended family lived in Tule*, about 230 miles away. The best route between the two cities is a lonely highway through high desert brush, inhabited by thousands of rabbits.”

Did you catch that folks? Thousands of rabbits. Appalling!

“David” continues. “There were so many rabbits, in fact, that the mascot for the local high school in a small town about halfway between Cinder City* and Tule* was actually ‘The Rabbits’. “

Again folks, do you hear what he’s saying? Innocent rabbits forced to endure mascot-ship!!

“Well, we used to get out on those empty back roads and fly at, like 80 and 90 miles per hour. There were so many jacks (editors note: jacks is a codeword for rabbits amongst those who practice this brutal sport.) it was pretty much impossible to make that drive without running over several jacks on each trip. You’d hear a big thud and that was it for the Easter Bunny. It was really kinda gross.”

There you have it folks, in “David’s” own words: kinda gross!!

The name of this brutal bloodsport? Driving!! Believe it or not, it’s happening right here in our own state. You may find this hard to believe but this vicious sport is legal in every state of the union and in virtually every country on earth.

All is not lost however. There is a movement in many urban areas to create automobile free zones called promenades, where only pedestrian traffic is allowed. Promenades currently comprise only a very small section of the landscape but it’s an idea whose time has come.

What can you do? Write you congressman and tell him that you want all the world to be a rabbit-safe promenade.

For more information log on to: www.kneejerkmorons.com. Let’s send a message to the “David’s” of the world that this slaughter must end.

*Not the actual name, for obvious reasons.