In an effort to amuse myself in the middle of this freakish winter, as well as to distract myself from the very real possibility that we might lose power for an extended period of time, I sent the following email to several friends and acquaintances:
With more snow in the forecast and the looming possibility of power outages, I have begun some emergency preparations. Here’s what I’ve done so far.
• Since we are on well water, power outages mean no water either so:
o I’ve taken my weekly bath several days early. Just my luck the power will go out on Saturday afternoon right before bath time and I’m such a stickler about hygiene.
o I’ve purchased several plastic five-gallon buckets for toilet water. Last time I lost my axe in the pond and fell in while breaking the ice to get pond water. This time we’ll be smarter. We’re filling the plastic buckets with snow so that we can set them on the wood stove to melt.
• We have stocked both freezers to the gills with meat for people and dogs. (Bought good candles to put in the electric oven to roast the meat – surprising no one has mentioned that before.)
• Dug all my Chuck Norris comics out of the closet for entertainment. I don’t see so well in poor candle light so I have my portable propane torch on the nightstand for extra illumination. If that doesn’t work, I can hold it in my lap while I read. Don’t worry, I’ll open the windows, duh!
• Piled all the old Carpenter Ant infested wood that I stripped out of the deck last summer on the wood floor in the living room for firewood. Okay, it’s actually been there since I stripped it out.
• Filled the car with gas and backed it up to the window so that the exhaust can throw a little extra heat into the place. *Bonus: also got a siphon hose to get gas from the car for lighting the stove*
I can’t help but feel I’m forgetting something. Please let me know if any of you think of something I’ve missed.
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I'm so fortunate to have wonderful, caring friends willing to wrack their brains to help me complete my list. Oh, and some other jerks added some suggestions, promting this update:
Thanks to all of you who added your thoughtful suggestions. While the weather is greatly improved, I’ll be prepared now for the next round. I’ve added the following suggestions to my list:
• No candles in the oven. Bring the BBQ inside for that. If it doesn’t light right away, I can use the gas from the car. I’m rather embarrassed that I didn’t think of that myself. It will make a great indoor source of heat too!
• Seal all doors and windows with that extra heavy Homeland Security plastic sheeting to keep the heat from the car exhaust from escaping. Good thing I have friends to do my thinking for me!
• Stock up on Valium and tequila to cope with being cooped up with the kid (AKA Emy Bunny Army – whatever in the hell that means). The tequila can also serve as marinade for the meat if we run out of spices.
• Allow the dogs to poop in the living room and use the resultant methane gas for heat and cooking. Marinade meat in dog pee to counteract the poop taste.
Thanks again, though I must say, some of ya’ll are sicker than me!
Don't try to hide - you know who you are!
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